There is a monster, roaring, clawing, raging, desperate and breaking loose - in deepest caverns of my inside. No, cant say thats in my heart, or my head, and lost my soul long back. But don't worry -it wont reach you - its been wadded in layers of sanitised, hospital white, middle class conformability, anesthetized sentimentality and blogger-prose expressibility, that can quieten fiercest of brutes - if it ever manages to even verge out.
I have a brute inside and he is not tame..is yours?
----------
I am buffeted within tiny confines of my dark cocoon - battered from one edge to next, hit by waves of convulsive coughs that shake to the core. I tolerate in zombie state of benadrylled calm - watch from outside the cocoon rocketing around and the creature marooned inside...between the stormy spells I watch the light filter through the uneven fillings of my quilt, sounds of normal home life, and the silence in my yard outside. I count seconds between spasms and try mental statistics - I also remember Proust.
-------------
I have been fixating on this tiny fibre stuck to my blanket. It is finer than a hair, erect in an inverted 'L' and ruffles to the rhythm of my breath and my coughing bouts. I am trying to use 'mind power' to get it to swirl and point towards me. We struggle, it and I. Finally I give up - low on pranic energy these days.
------------
Cant believe that less than two weeks back I was jumping waves in 'Gopalpur by the Sea'. Cold water, colder breeze, tall waves, transparent green, bright lit. We gorged on "bhajas", played with "Rani" the kitten and wore shell earrings.
------------
Today I am sitting, staring out. Cold days are almost gone - bright warmth filters through green to reach inside my cage. A Bulbul has discovered my water garden, swings clutching at a vine, swoops to peck at the water, and fly away...it does this many times over. I sit watching it.
-------------
The passion fruit vine is blazing with a row of flowers - right outside my window! Scarlett, opulent, exotic, very passionate - how much beauty I almost missed. Strange that its essence is used to 'pacify' in homeopathic remedies.
-------------
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment