Gandhi And I

Today I received an interesting sms. It said "what does Gandi mean to you? for you?This is my response to the questions that I feel are worthwhile answering.

Gandhi trickled into my world, larger than life, with the pantheons of Hindu Gods and Goddesses, stories of heroes and demons, Ramayana and Mahabharata intermingled with stories that had created a new, vibrant, young, independent and hopeful India. In all these rich, brilliantly hued stories demons were vanquished, truth conquered, and happiness reigned. Gandhi, in addition, was personal, since I was told "He wanted to be just like us - he took Jain vows of Ahimsa". I grew up with a strong sense of understanding for this Ahimsa, or non-violence. In many ways Ahimsa defined who I was, as a child, choices I later made, and what I am today - albeit far in practice from the aspired goals of intent.

In my youth and adulthood, Gandhi started acquiring a dimensionality, a complexity that guided my understanding of the layers of worlds, and worlds within individual worlds, lived all around me. While I was awed by stories of valor and heroism of, say Bhagat Singh, I was comfortable with Gandhi, who was a gujarati banya, like me, his vows of vegetarianism, his habit of fasting, especially in atonement - this was in close resonance to what was played out around me, as a child.

Even as I sit now, hunched to gather thoughts of what this person means? to me? I know that all answers will necessarily be incomplete to expression, for how does one capture all that has gone in to change one, and the depth of this change? I am humbled by his " I am not a well read man..." and now I seek to know less and understand more. I consider his 'Hind Swaraj' a work of pure genius, of lucid understanding and expression that to this day influence my many opinions. And, my first interest in Bhagwat Geeta arose entirely from Gandhi; I now find strength and direction in Karmanye Vadhikaraste that I bellow loudly whenever trapped into misguided expectations of reward for spent love and labors that we are all trained to seek. I understand now that it is grace that I am allowed to choose the kind of life that I seek to live; that the cost of this grace is borne by myriads of those whose names I shall never know and who shall never know the freedom of choice or indulgence of grace - so I seek less such grace, freedom, choice - unless it can be equitably shared amongst all. Gandhi's life taught me that advice is not what you preach, but practice, which carries potent for change. I also now have an inkling of how difficult this is - to engage actively, express, and then to live a life consistent with one's conscience - without fear, of consequence. Gandhi distilled showed that "Abhaya" or fearless-ness is the key to how life should be lived - absolutely - since it is in fear that we fall into many traps laid out for us. Yet, to practice this requires many million repetitions of " I shalt not fear" - and yet that does not often suffice.

I know of the many criticisms of Gandhi. They may all be true, and yet they are irrelevant to me. In Gandhi, and the many that I meet, I seek to create direction to how I might understand and lead my own life. For me Gandhi represents a life consciously and rationally lived by dictates of one's conscience. I think to recognise the latter and live accordingly and uncompromisingly, is a huge act of courage.

God Grant me Courage to Face and live My Truth.